Snow Angel Actually Just Regular Angel Who Had Rough Night

Published Friday, February 7th, 2025
Filed under Off Campus

“Ohhh yeah, I’ve really done it this time,” admitted the angel, who was still lying face-down in the snow with a faint odor of tequila lingering. “One drink at happy hour turned into karaoke, then shots, and then, uhh…I think there was a mechanical bull? Next thing I know, I’m here. I knew I should’ve just stuck with the wine, like, what could have gone wrong when it worked so well for Jesus?”

“I figured some kids just got really into making a snow angel,” said eyewitness Lauren Adams, who discovered the fallen angel while walking to work. “Then I saw the perfectly feathered wings and the glowing halo, and I heard it groan something like, ‘This is definitely not the pearly gates.’ That’s when I knew something was off.”

“I guess they don’t call me a snow angel for nothing,” the angel muttered, wiping at her nose. “Let’s just say I was really into the powder last night—a big ‘white Christmas.’ If anyone asks, I was helping a lost soul find their way or whatever. You’d be amazed at how much you can get away with when you just say it’s God’s will.”

At press time, a local snowman was actually just a frozen regular man who probably had an even rougher night.