“This is the best thing ever!” said Andy Burner ’27 as he hoisted his hand up to high five his friend, who is a double arm amputee. “Oh. Wait. Sorry buddy. But wow! Hell yeah. We get our own sink! So we can wash our… we can, um, so, um. What was I saying? Wow, the weather. So nice today, right?”

“I am just blessed. Absolutely blessed,” continued Burner as he lifted a glass for his friend at a Ratty dinner. “Everyone, cheers for my good friend, and his early housing registration time slot. Greg A, here we come.”

At press time, a Brown freshman who got assigned to Perkins was considering painless ways to remove their leg.