“We all loved Speedster Ricky. He’s the fastest thing this town ever seen! Don’t mean he can’t go a little too fast at times,” said first responder Greg Buckley, standing over a smoking pile of charred wreckage, within which Speedster Ricky’s human shape isn’t distinguishable. “Clearly, he got a bit too fast for his britches here.”

“His speed was always a tickin’ time bomb. Can’t make it off scot free every time you get zoomin’ there, Ricky!” shouted Buckley at the burning pair of sneakers holding a melted heap of human carnage that had once been Speedster Ricky. “Guess he combusted or somethin’. Sure figures with how fast he goes.”

At press time, Skinny Lenny ate a few too many hot dogs there.