“All human knowledge and experience is shared in our deep unconsciousness. If learning is just recalling this lost truth, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to rediscover this truth faster through different techniques,” shared an anonymous pre-med undergraduate student, who stated they often avoid studying for CHEM 0330 by taking psychedelics and engaging in sacred, ecstatic dance techniques to access this knowledge. “Learning to harness the collective unconscious is an invaluable skill that every college student should be mastering, and I intend to use this tool long after I graduate.”

“It’s not right. I don’t want to sound like an old weeser, but I don’t believe students should depend on trance-like states and pay top dollar for Jungian therapists to understand basic concepts,” stated Public Health Professor Schaefer, who has accused several students of translating innate symbols understood from birth in all humans instead of going to class. “I know that the self is not real, but you still have to be a decent person and not cheat.”

“I can easily tell when an essay was written using the collective unconscious, look at these,” continued Professor Schaefer, showing papers scribbled with primordial symbols and crude psychosexual analysis. “Each year, it just gets worse. This semester alone, I’ve already had twelve students who forgot to delete the account of their own deaths in the Great War when transcribing from their unconscious state.”

At press time, press time was simply an illusion just like all time is.