“This camera work… well, clearly a student was holding the camera,” stated Rhode Island International Film Festival programming coordinator Avery Lachland, squinting at the film’s shaky, slightly unfocused opening scene of a young man smoking on a fire escape. “The composition of this shot… hmm. I’d say a student made that choice.”

“What do I think about the color grading? I think… well, I think a student is responsible for it,” Lachland remarked, flinching at a particularly awkward, experimental cut between undersaturated closeups. “Okay, wow. Another establishing shot of the street. Yeah, I’m pretty sure a student edited this film.”

“Wait, now she’s crying? It’s a party? There’s a time skip? Sorry, I can’t hear anything,” Lachland whispered as the film’s faint lines of dialogue were engulfed by the roar of poorly mixed ambient noise. “Hmm… well, these actors are definitely students being directed by a fellow student. And if I had to guess, I’d say the assistant director is a student as well. Is it just me, or is this film really, really long?"

At press time, student theater production actually looked kinda good.