“This school year was beyond hectic, so I’m looking forward to a super chill and lowkey summer,” Torres was overheard telling friends, as his family group chat blew up with texts debating whether they should travel to Lake Como or Saint Tropez in August. “My summer will probably be a bit lame, but you know, that’s okay. It will be a time for me to slow down and really take it easy.”

“Honestly, I bet your summers are going to be much more exciting,” Torres told his friends, curious as to what form of wildlife his family would illegally add to their collection on their safari trip to Tanzania later that month. “Internships? Late-night runs to a Target parking lot? Maybe a minor league baseball game here and there? I’m kind of jealous of how thrilling your summers will all be. You guys are going to have such a blast.”

At press time, another student was spotted dorm shopping for her itsy-bitsy and super subtle 4-bedroom, newly renovated off-campus apartment.