“I have a duty not just to myself, but to my country,” Martin commented, staring off into the middle distance, despite the fact that her room was actually quite spacious. “This cross shall be heavy, but it is one I must bear."

“If I burn for Perkins, I burn," she said, ignoring the fact that she only shares a private bathroom with one other person. “And I’ll burn brighter yet as my conviction will fuel the flames.”

“The powers that be have guided me here, to suffering, eternal,” she said before hoisting herself up on a stake she had dragged to the Main Green from her spacious closet. “Bear witness to me now, in death I live on as a testament to my God and to my dorm.”

At press time, CCB members working events on a Friday night acting like they’re Jesus dying for your sins.