“James literally neeeeeeds to stop, he’s such an idiot. Honestly he’s too much, he’s fucking ridiculous. He was doing this bit about how big his arms were, and it was literally so stupid,” commented Peretti, blushing furiously as James compared the size of his biceps to the size of a raccoon he ran over on his dirt bike once. “James pisses me off, seriously. I can’t even handle him. He’s a nincompoop, but like, a funny one. He makes me laugh sometimes, when he’s not acting totally weird and ridiculous.”

“He’s such a douche, he’s always making fun of me for how petite I am, it’s literally so stupid, like, I can’t help it! He’s so silly,” Peretti continued as she watched James nut tap his boys as a greeting. “He’s so immature, I just can’t with him. Total goofball.”

“We’ve hung out a couple times now, and every time he acts like such a total idiot, it’s ridiculous, it’s almost like he’s trying to annoy me. Why do guys do that? It’s literally so embarrassing,” Peretti said as James shotgunned a beer in front of his ex-girlfriend. “I hate him, he’s such a doofus. I can’t stand him! Just kidding, haha, no really, we’re friends. Why? Did he ask about me?”

At press time, reports showed that James was, in fact, legitimately stupid.