“There is no sugarcoating the truth – these people are next-level unbearable,” announced Oliver Campbell, the study’s prime researcher, in a press conference with ABC News. “If I am being frank, they suck. Honestly, having to interview these conceited individuals for this study was borderline torture. It made me almost quit my job.”

“Like genuinely, what are these people trying to accomplish?” continued Campbell, angrily scrolling through his Instagram feed. “Who gives a shit if your 800 followers know it’s your birthday? And do you really have to repost 7 stories of people calling you their ‘human diary’ and ‘ride or die?’ Like the world doesn’t revolve around you pompous little %&8!@s.”

At press time, another study found that individuals with no profile pic and less than 400 followers are either oddly charming or straight-up serial killers.