“It’s important that we recruit a diverse group of young people for our study,” said recruiter Joan Alstine, specifying the volunteers should be single, own a green backpack, sit in the 2nd row of CHEM 330, and have a smile that would light up your whole world. “Otherwise, our results would be skewed, and we wouldn’t be able to apply our conclusions to a broader population.”

“However, we wanted our volunteers to have a couple similar characteristics so that we could make comparisons between them,” said Alstine, ensuring that the ideal volunteer has kind eyes, broad shoulders, and lent her a pencil in class three Tuesdays ago. “At the end of the day, our main focus is really to come out with the most accurate results possible.”

At press time, the TA announces her office hours for whenever Jason is free.