To all the young people reading, please take this election seriously. The last time we opened up this contest to community voting four years ago, a bunch of teens campaigned for a gourd that looked like a penis. May I remind you of the stakes of this election: the winning pumpkin will sit outside of city hall until Christmas. This year, librarian Karen Greeley submitted a fairly large gourd, and bless her heart, she does not know that it looks, well… very phallic. As a county, we do not want, cannot have, and must stand against any efforts to repeat the disgusting events of four years ago.

A giant pumpkin is more than just a really big pumpkin; it’s a symbol for our fine county. We deserve a giant pumpkin that little kids can look up at and say, “Wow, I didn’t know pumpkins could get this big! Pam sure did a swell job organizing this year’s contest!” not “Let’s never let Pam organize this contest again because that gourd looks like a G. D. penis!”

I have spent every waking hour this year making sure this giant pumpkin contest would be fun. I got yummy food. I made sure the festival is COVID safe. I begged the Harvest Festival planning committee to allow the community to vote for the giant pumpkin again. And I will NOT stand for any efforts to undermine the sanctity of our democracy by voting for a gourd that looks like a big member!

This isn’t a joke. My reputation and the reputation of our beautiful, family-friendly county is on the line. I cannot stress to you enough how important this election is.

Oh and when you’re done voting for your favorite giant pumpkin, make sure to vote Green Party this November!