“We would love to have you and hope you will consider joining us,” declared the group’s president Jeremiah Whitlock, handing over five essay prompts and a request for letters of recommendation. “The application process is quite easy. Just attend our mandatory informational meeting taking place in seventeen minutes and fill out the Google Form on our website by tomorrow.”

“Unlike other clubs, our interview process is super low-key,” explained Whitlock, outlining the group’s activities and the individual rounds of interviews that candidates undergo. “Assuming your application advances, you will get invited back to a final, hour-long discussion with the entirety of our club about your accomplishments, birth records, and financial statements.”

“We do pride ourselves on our club’s inclusivity towards the student body,” added Whitlock, mentioning how entrance fees and member dues were recently reduced to $650 per semester. “If that isn’t progress, I don’t know what is.”

At press time, the club rejected 94% of applicant and encouraged them to apply again next semester.