Tina Fey. Kristen Wiig. Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer. These are all inspiring women who have, at one point or another, made a joke about bras. I am also going to start making jokes about bras, and nothing else. I’ll have every man in this country rethinking the sentiment “Women aren’t funny” after I bombard them with my highly-specific, feminist satire that is only about bras.
What better way to empower women through satire than to highlight something that so many of us experience: bras? Subverting this facet of the female experience into something to laugh at is a very important task—so important that it’s literally all I will do satire-wise until I graduate in 2021. Seriously. It’s bra content as far as the eye can see, folks.
I’m thrilled to report that I have started stockpiling bra headlines to last me through my next two years at The Noser. The growing list includes such sure-fire hits as “Asshole Strapless Bra Gonna Head On Down To Torso,” “Underwire Just Itching To Escape,” and “Victoria’s Secret Offers Semi-Semi-Semi-Semi Annual Sale Every Two Days Now.” And, hey, I’m no hero. Just a funny lady trying to make jokes about bras.
Look, I get it. Maybe not everyone wants to read jokes about bras. Maybe this is a little awkward. But we can’t break the glass ceiling unless we push the envelope, and for me that means creating an endless stream of bra-related, Onion-style fake news headlines to be published in The Brown Noser until my tenure here is done.
With all this in mind, I know what you’re going to ask: will I also write headlines about tampons? The answer is no. Only bras. I thought I made that clear.