365 tickets sold! Guys, I literally warned you. Tickets are now up to $24. Venmo and get yours while you still can. At noon they are rising to $33. It will be the party of the century. Plus we got a keg. Lowkey, few things at this school are as fun as DPhi’s Jurassic Park After Dark. Actually, I cannot think of anything that is more fun. You need to pull up. But only I can dress as Alan Grant. You hear me—I do not want to see another Alan Grant. Feel free to dress as a dinosaur, but make it sexy. Nobody wants to flirt with an inflatable Velociraptor costume.

My fellow brothers and all you gorgeous ladies, stop Venmoing. Like actually stop Venmoing. I’m not kidding. We are entirely sold out. You should have Venmoed in advance. I told you to. No one to blame but yourself. We will only refund tickets for those who Venmoed before 6:00 pm. After that, we will not refund you. Do not try to show up if not on the list. You will not get in. Again, you will not get in. We hired a bouncer. The rest of you, I hope you are excited to live it up. We live for tonight. We live as though we are going extinct tomorrow babbbyy!