Adoration can be difficult to express in words. I understand that, truly. I don’t doubt that my empathetic nature was among those qualities which drew you to me in the first place. But to describe me as a “cute short Asian girl with pink highlights wearing yoga pants in the sci-li last night”, is, frankly, incorrect.

I read that post about the “hot 6’4 guy with brown hair and tattoos with a septum piercing making sandwiches at the blue room”. Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but the execution is disappointing, and I’m never at the Blue Room. I know you were talking about me. Who else? But in the light you mistook my blond for more of a brown and overestimated my height by over a foot or so and mixed up where you were. You’ll have to do better than that if you want my attention.

I get that you don’t want your posts to be too obvious. You don’t want it to go to my head, so you’ve been throwing me a few curveballs to throw me off the scent. That’s fine. But it would be helpful it you got even a single detail about me right at one point, instead of writing “yams in the Ratty appreciation post.” It will take a little more than lovingly intentioned but wildly inaccurate descriptions of me if you want to please these dungarees.