The nation, already numb after a year of violence at home and abroad, and economic and political stagnation, is not really nervous about letting someone put thousands of needles all over its skin, saying, “My friend Judy did it and she says it really helped with her allergies. Why not?”

After trying everything from meditation to internet dating, the nation figures that alternative medicine cannot be all that crazy if people have been doing it for generations. Though the U.S. knows that there is not much scientific evidence showing that acupuncture actually helps, it might be just crazy enough to work.

“Why the hell not?” explained the American people. “Live a little, am I right?”

Though the nation has certainly been having a rough time lately, it doesn’t need anyone telling it what would be best for it and it certainly doesn’t need any skeptical remarks. The nation is willing to try anything at this point, and that includes sticking needles all over its face or maybe even drinking that Kombucha stuff with the mushrooms or whatever.