“I get that they wanna sell their product, but I thought it was a little weird that the whole premise was a dewy-skinned actress licking a spoon for one-and-a-half minutes,” said viewer Diana Blair, staring confusedly at her television. “I love blueberry yogurt as much as the next guy, but I’ve never thought of it as, like, sexy or anything.”

The commercial went on to show the actress swirling the spoon around the yogurt cup while twirling a long strand of glossy dark hair and staring longingly out a window.

“It threw me off a bit when her hot husband came home and kissed her on the mouth, then dipped his pinky finger in the yogurt to dot it on the tip of her nose,” Blair said as the on-screen actors tried to convincingly eroticize the heated milk combined with bacteria and then left to sit for several hours at room temperature. “Don’t get me wrong, I think yogurt’s a great snack. But dairy products just don’t involve this much sexual tension.”

At press time, a Coke commercial was strangely nostalgic.