It has become clear over the past few months, from discussions with students, alumni, and parents, that you all really refuse to shut up about the University’s decision to transition men’s cross country to club status. So, you know what? Fine. The University has decided to reinstate the varsity status of men’s cross country at Brown, but I hope you lose this entire season. And I’m not coming to any of the meets.

“Varsity cross country.” Ooh, look at you. Run, run, run. Uh oh, a hill! Give me a break. You know what’s a real sport? Football. Basketball. Lacrosse. Any of the sports we didn’t cut. Anything with a ball. Anything where there’s a score.

Ever seen cross country on TV? Not me. No sirree. The only time you’ll see cross country in the news is when a whiny cross country team makes a big fuss about being demoted to club status. Hey, who’s the most famous cross country runner of all time? Sorry, what was that? Oh, no one? No one ever at all? Great.

Anyway, after many thoughtful conversations blah blah blah I am hereby reinstating the Brown cross country team to varsity status.

Don’t even try it, squash team.