Rick Moriarto '11, a shortstop for the Brown baseball team who tied the career home-run record last season, lent some insights into the processes of his craft, explaining, "I see ball, I hit ball, ball go far." Moriarto added, with an assured nod, "I hit ball very far."

Moriarto hit ball very far indeed. In achieving his record-tying 32 home runs, the Brown shortstop earned a BA of .312, with an OBP of .350 and 79 RBIs. These statistics are significant, according to a brief Google search of the words "baseball" and "good."

This erudite approach to the game is not only limited to athletes, but also characterizes the Brown Sports program as a whole. They distinguish themselves among the Ivy League as "that school that they say big smart things good job huh?"

The coaches have even taken it upon themselves to foster this intellectual environment. Within the last year, the athletic department has begun to sponsor guest lectures that deal with the many intricacies of various sports, such as Philip Barlow's talk entitled "The Absence of 'I' in 'Team' in a Western-Biased Society" and Derek Zimmerman's "A Dialectical Approach to Exceeding One-Hundred Percent."

Although it is generally believed that these lectures are improving athletic performance overall, not every team is experiencing total success. Soccer defender Mark Nicholas '12 explained the many ways he could improve his technique, following a crushing loss against Holy Cross. "I just gotta get more smarter out there." Nicholas expounded on his initial claim: "You know, both teams wanted it. Both teams wanted it bad. We just gotta want it worse."

Football, however, continues to be the sport drawing the most interest. Eating only the white part of a hardboiled egg, center Derek Flockton '13 spoke of the high level of complexity involved in the game. "We had a couple clutch plays that scored us a lot of points," he said. Concluded Flockton, "Those were key."

When asked how he typically prepares for a game, starting quarterback Michael Lebowski '11 shouted, "FOOTBALL!!!!" When prompted to elaborate, Lebowski grunted obscenely and high-fived everyone in his vicinity.

Although not commanding the same quality of pithy observation as his quarterback, wide-receiver Brett Morkman '12 said a couple words about his role in the team's recent victory over Yale. "Well, the Yale coaches decided to utilize a cover-three defense. Accordingly, I had to spend the better part of the evening finding gaps and perfecting my timing."

Morkman added, "Plus, Yalies blow ass! Brown, what?!"