After the successful test of the siren /
That aimed to tell students of emergencies, /
Brown's noble officials found something quite strange, /
An artifact random that came from the seas.

Lo, there, upon the Main Green had appearéd /
A ship unbeliev'ble, a boat of great size. /
Students and staff all gathered round to see it /
"It's fucking ginormous," one scholar surmised.

Scattered 'bout the boat were sailors quite woozy /
Just like reg'lar patrons at FishCo downtown. /
But, lo, as we found out, these sailors weren't boozy, /
Just lured and entranced by that annoying sound.

"We all forgot to put wax in our ears, /
Since that's what the mystic had told us to do. /
She preached from the street on the corner by Starbucks /
Or, on second thought, maybe it was a dude."

So what were these sailors, who say they were sober /
Doing on Thayer in an Ancient Greek boat? /
How could they hear what a street bum was saying?/
And how in the fuck were they staying afloat?

Ahem

Anyway, my children, will you all please listen? /
The Greeks' voyage has ended, their glory has passed /
The Main Green all over is covered in splinters /
And a crapload of sailors Hope House has amassed.

The siren's now silent, it was just a practice. /
A voice from on high said it was just a test. /
But if you are sailing and you hear that siren, /
Some wax will prevent it from your ears molest-/

ing.

It is now I leave you with these final words: /
Don't do crazy shit and then maybe we might /
Nevermore find in this situation, /
Covered in seamen every day and night. ?