A typical text such as "(217): Woke up in my dads xcraft and the 3000bot was totally shmammered in the backseat. Turns out instead of an oil change we gave him jager" is the fruit of decades of focused research by NASA's Subcommittee on EXpected Time (SEXT).

While some entries list names, the site is mostly anonymous, listing only the area code of the texter. "But sometimes you can just tell," said Raven DiMarco '13. "'(401): Went all the way to freeenoXx galaxy w this chick b4 she told me she was a he.' Come on, that's so Tim!"

"Theres a BrownTFNN too, but it's nowhere near as good," DiMarco added. "Turns out in five years we're all going to be lawyers and doctors and captains of industry. I'll be a General in the war on Canada. Bo-ring."

Unfortunately for some users, the advance notice does not mean they can avoid sending the text. Eddy Pihss '12 was dismayed when he received a link from his own future Facebook account to the following TFNN:

(914): baaabe what ru up 2 can i come ovr and "watch a movie" wink wink
(1-914): Eddy this is your mother. Go to bed.

Knowing that the text would be sent the following Saturday, Pihss concentrated intensely on double-checking his texts before sending any messages.

"I was so stressed out by trying all night not to text my mom that I had to get really drunk to relax.and when I get that drunk I always text Monica, whose name is right under 'Mom,'" he said, dismayed. "It's like the harder I tried to avoid the site's prediction the more I was led toward my fate. I can't look at this awful text anymore! I just want to gouge out my eyes!"

Despite its potential harms, the site remains popular, ushering in an age of something like reverse nostalgia. "I've found out a lot of scary things through this site," said user Antonia Lopez '12. "But it's comforting to know that even when we're under attack from malevolent life forms on Jupiter and Palin/Gosselin is the winning Presidential campaign, we still use our cell phones to act like slutty, drunken idiots." ?