Unwitting Freshman Crosses Pembroke Seal & Van Wickle Gates on Same Day, Opens Portal to Hell

Published Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
Filed under Campus Life

Workers in the lobby of the Rock were quickly notified of the problem and called in a team from Brown's elite ghost-busting unit. The team moved to quarantine the area and was eventually able to close the portal. There were, however, a few minor incidents.

Allison Cooper, a graduate student studying for her doctoral degree in English literature, was reportedly offered a deal in which she would be granted the ability to discern the true meaning of James Joyce's Finnegans Wake in exchange for giving Satan her soul.

Other than that, a few at the scene suffered first degree burns, but most of the students seemed to be more upset by the disturbance of the peace than anything else.