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The Brown Noser

Curator Just In It To Touch The Art

Published Friday, September 16th, 2022

Running her fingers across a priceless oil painting, Metropolitan Museum of Art curator Diana Gillis is reportedly just in it to touch the art.

“People assume I’m a curator because of some deep appreciation for culture,” Gillis said, eyes closing as she pressed her forehead against a Cezanne. “But, really, it’s because I get a rush out of touching really old paintings and sculptures and stuff.”

Every morning, Gillis heads to work, where she plans exhibits, acquires new pieces, and touches million-dollar works of art.

“The galleries are cool and whatever, but there’s no feeling like when I hold a 200-year-old pastel knowing my greasy paws are some of the privileged few that get to touch it,” she said, putting her whole hand on a Renoir. “I don’t really care what the paintings are of; it’s more about being able to stick my palm on some canvas for as long as I want without anyone stopping me.”

At press time, Ninth Circuit Court judge Mariah Simmons was just in it to play with the gavel.

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