The Brown Noser

Arts & Culture

Netflix Show About Deep, Emotional Trauma Gonna Add Jennifer Coolidge To The Cast | Nov 01 2024

Sources report that an all-new Netflix TV show about a gruesome family murder-suicide was gonna add Jennifer Coolidge to the cast. “We are so incredibly excited to have Jennifer join the family,” read an announcement from Netflix’s website that included an image of Coolidge photoshopped into the crime scene photos.

Record-Breaking 23-Minute-Long Standing Ovation At Cannes Film Festival Receives 8-Minute-Long Standing Ovation | Sep 27 2024

According to attendees of the Cannes Film Festival, visionary director Jacques Bijoux’s latest avante-garde film received a record-shattering 23-minute-long standing ovation, which further received an 8-minute-long standing ovation. “That was a transcendent experience,” claimed long-time standing ovation enthusiast Peter Greene, as he wiped blood off his raw, blistered palms.

Untortured Artist Reveals Wholesome Family Portrait Instead Of Avant-Garde Piece On Reptilian Depression | Sep 27 2024

To the disappointment of those attending his art show, untortured artist John O’Malley revealed a drawing of a wholesome family portrait instead of an avante-garde piece on reptilian depression. “I wanted to create something that represented the love I have for my family,” said O’Malley, who would’ve painted nihilistic crocodiles composed entirely of human eyeballs had his parents not been so supportive of him as a child.

Leaked Release Of Ed Sheeran’s Next Album Entitled x = (-b±√ b^2-4ac)/2a | Sep 27 2024

Creating quite the stir in the music community, a leaked release of Ed Sheeran’s newest album reveals its title is x= (-b±√ b^2-4ac)/2a. “Honestly, I cried when I first heard the album and its name. It was such a beautiful artistic take,” says William Campbell, the president of Brown’s Radio Community, listening intently to Sheeran’s basic pop love song.

Netflix Original Perfectly Replicates Psychedelic Trip Via Swirly Filter And Silly Colors | Sep 27 2024

After extensive research into psychoactive effects, the new Netflix Original series Wild Girls has completely accurately portrayed a psychedelic trip with the use of silly filters and crazy colors. “We’re gonna start the scene with some slightly dizzying music, then we throw a swirl filter onto the faces of every character who’s tripping,” said Lance Bates, head of the show’s visual effects team, switching to a swirly wobbly fish eye effect to really replicate the disorienting physical, mental, and emotional effects of a psychedelic trip.

Beethoven’s 5th Fails To Chart On Billboard Hot 100 For 11,310th Consecutive Week | Sep 27 2024

Despite international and historical acclaim, Beethoven’s 5th Symphony fails yet again to chart on the Billboard Hot 100 for the 11,310th consecutive week. “This guy’s supposedly one of the greatest musical minds in human history,” remarked Andre Kripke, amateur online music critic and professional dishwasher.

Report: British Singer Sounds Normal When Singing | May 03 2024

According to concert goers at Loose Change’s most recent performance, British lead singer Mitch McGrist sounded normal when singing. “Mitch sounded good out there. I was a bit worried going in but luckily things went smoothly,” said Loose Change’s manager, Eve Mann, relieved to hear Mitch’s voice sounded absolutely ordinary while he crooned away on stage, despite the singer’s heavy Cockney accent.

Denis Villeneuve Reports Warner Bros. Rejected Original Title Of “Dune 2: 2 Dune 2 Handle” | May 03 2024

Despite the commercial success of “Dune: Part Two,” in a recent interview, Denis Villeneuve lamented that Warner Bros. had rejected his original proposed title of “Dune 2: 2 Dune 2 Handle.” “It’s 2 bad, because I really thought that we had a winner in that title.

I Might Consider Watching More Owen Wilson Movies If He Stopped Shitting On My Porch | May 03 2024

Owen Wilson just took another shit on my porch, and if he wants me to start watching more of his movies, he might consider stopping doing that. Look, everyone’s talking about all these Owen Wilson movies I need to see, but I’m not gonna start watching them until he stops sneaking onto my porch in the middle of the night and quietly pooping on my doorstep and I’m not afraid to say it.

"Love Is Blind" Betroths Man With Smooth Talking Horse | May 03 2024

Netflix’s flagship reality romance show “Love Is Blind” just wrapped up their sixth season, betrothing man, Jake, with charismatic Clydesdale, Dakota. “We created this show to give our single audience hope, to show them what dating can look like without shallow physical beauty standards,” said Executive Producer Elizabeth Mann, holding out an open palm full of hay to an eager Dakota.