The Brown Noser

High School Protagonist In HBO Coming of Age Series Literally Everywhere But In School | Sep 22 2023

High school protagonist Serena Alston of new HBO coming-of-age series literally everywhere but in school. “Guys, how about we go see a showing at the drive-in movie theater” exclaimed Alston to her friends, even though she most definitely should be in school at 10:00 a.m.

“V Is Very, Very Extraordinary” Actually Really Lazy Lyric When You Think About It | Sep 22 2023

Upon careful listening of Nat King Cole’s hit song “L-O-V-E,” melomaniacs have announced that “V is very, very extraordinary” is a really lazily written lyric when you think about it. “He’s had us all fooled for ages because of that clever acrostic setup,” exclaimed audiophile Alex Story after listening to the hit single.

Movie Only Cinematic Masterpiece Because Nobody Really Understands Plot, Central Themes, Characters | Sep 22 2023

According to local movie buff Alex Farrington, the film he just watched is a cinematic masterpiece because nobody can really understand its plot, central themes, or characters. “Wow. What an incredible film!” Farrington exclaimed as he left the theater with no idea what had actually happened during the movie.

Silly Little Kitty On TikTok Video So Silly He Got Scared By A Silly Little Cucumber | Sep 22 2023

Sources report that a silly little kitty on a TikTok video got weally scawed by a silly little cucumber. “He’s just SUCH a goofy silly little guy!!!,” read a comment from @user4019283735 on the video, so tickled by the itsy-bitsy kitty doing its little silly itsy-bitsy things.

The Simpsons Somehow Perfectly Predicts New Season Of The Simpsons | May 12 2023

As viewers comb through the newest season of “The Simpsons,” they’re beginning to realize that the writers somehow perfectly predicted how the new season was going to look. “They predicted the Housing Crash, the Trump Administration, even how my dog was gonna die, but this was unprecedented,” said Simpsons superfan Jeff Jensen, even though The Simpsons has predicted its own content for the past 35 years.

Timothee Chalamet Playing Cigarette Boy Again | May 12 2023

Sources report that Timothee Chalamet is taking on a new role of mysterious cigarette boy in recently released coming-of-age film “The Winds Over Mary’s House.” “I feel like this role really challenged me as an actor, pushing me to dig deeply into a whole new side of myself,” shared Chalamet, who portrays Spike, Mary’s angsty, Marlboro-smoking crush.

Disney Channel Protagonist Declares Inevitability of Barf After Parents Share Single, Chaste Kiss | May 12 2023

In a stunning display of emotional immaturity, Maisie McDoogle, the tween protagonist of the hit Disney show, “Maisie Makes Waves”, proclaimed that she was “totally gonna barf chunks” after her mother and father shared a tight lipped, millisecond long kiss.

Theater Choreographer Has Clearly Never Seen Real Fight | May 12 2023

It is becoming increasingly obvious to audiences that theater choreographer Grace Patton has never seen a real fight. “At first I thought the dance-fighting was supposed to be symbolic,” explained audience member Harry Lin as the actors gestured painedly toward one another from a safe distance.

Classmate’s Summer Internship Too Good To Not Be Nepotism | May 12 2023

Sources report that a classmate’s summer internship is way too good to not be nepotism. “There is absolutely no way Preston landed that internship on his own merit,” divulged first-year Charles Perez, enviously staring at his classmate’s LinkedIn post announcing his summer internship at McKinsey & Company.

Report: Aunt Makes Jewelry Now | Apr 14 2023

After calling her sister, your mom has informed you that Aunt Rose makes jewelry now. “Some of her pieces are really…unique,” stated your mom after Aunt Rose described the beaded labia pendants she was working on. “It’s a lot of copper wire, amethyst, and rope.

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