Hey, kid. You’re entering the most transformative stage of your life. Take some advice from someone who’s been there before: college is all about discovery. It’s the perfect time to discover what actually happened to aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart.
My liege, you know I’ve never been one to question your decisions. You’ve won wars, ended years of famine, and brought endless prosperity to our small kingdom of Dundleboose. But I think your order to spare the girl will prove doomed. As your chief advisor I must warn you that she grows stronger every day, your grace.
Before I begin, let me say that I like my doctor. He always asks about my family and greets me with a smile. But I’m starting to become concerned about the can of Chef Boyardee he faithfully produces in the middle of all my check-ups.
Listen, I’m not one to judge what my doctor eats.
In June 2017, the government of American territory Puerto Rico held a referendum, the purpose of which was for the people to vote decisively for statehood or independence. Like the last three referendums over the past ten years, the results were anything but decisive.
That was a close call, kid. Today could have had a very different outcome had the man you set on fire not been the best fireman in the world. You’re off the hook this time but don’tt set anyone on fire again. Next time, you won’t be so lucky.
That’s why you should never play with matches, kid.
Cindy, you’re gonna have to cancel those plans you had tonight. There’s a storm coming and I don’t want you getting caught in it. Gosh, I really don’t like the looks of the clouds heading this way.
No way are you taking the car out in this weather.
Hi Professor Richardson,
I just wanted to let you know that unfortunately I won’t be in class today because I’m sick… sick of your BULLSHIT.
I woke up feeling okay, but as the day went on and it got closer and closer to class time, I remembered that I would have to listen to you talk for fifty minutes, and illness overcame me.
Clark Kent is my best friend. He’s a really good guy and a talented reporter, but recently a lot of bad things have been happening all over Metropolis, and every time something scary happens, Clark bolts. I don’t see him again until the city is safe and the threat is gone.
I’m tired of stereotypes influencing how people live their lives. You know the deal: the high school quarterback ends up with the cheerleading captain. I just want to see something different. Just once, I wish the quarterback would end up with the rival high school’s National Honor Society’s public relations officer.
This is just a normal column about which ice cream flavor is the best. But I want it to stand out and get noticed. So it would be great if, when this article gets printed, the words form the shape of an ice cream cone. You know, like one of those concrete poems.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
