The Brown Noser

Opinion

I Cannot Support Bernie Sanders Because He Was Mean To Me In My Dream Last Night | Mar 06 2020

Like many Americans, this year’s election is especially important to me — will we be able to pull together a winning Democratic coalition, or will we suffer another four years of Trump? There are certainly some strong candidates in the Democratic primary so far, but there’s one person we simply can’t afford to hand the nomination.

Selling My Soul To A Dark Mage In Exchange For Complete Mind-Control Over Timothée Chalamet Is The Best Thing I Ever Did For My Career by Greta Gerwig | Mar 06 2020

Let me make one thing clear: a director is nothing without an amazing team of actors. From Lady Bird to Little Women, I’ve been blessed to work with some of the top names in the industry: Saoirse Ronan, Lucas Hedges, and even Oscar-winner Laura Dern.

POINT: We Are All Made Of Stardust / COUNTERPOINT: Okay But Like, What Are We Relationship-Wise | Mar 06 2020

POINT: We Are All Made Of Stardust By Rachel Cook We are the stuff of stars, made of atoms which originated in supernovas farther away than anything we can imagine and bigger than a child’s biggest dream. Particles travelled light years through the dark of space to our little rock.

Something Crazy Happened In The Democratic Primary And Since It’s March Right Now As I Write This, I Know What It Is And Have A Lot To Say About It | Mar 06 2020

Well, we’re now deep into the 2020 Democratic Primary. Millions of Americans are duking it out in primaries, caucuses, and on Twitter to decide who they’ll send onto the campaign trail to finally beat Trump. But one thing I’m sure no one expected was what just happened — and since it’s March right now as I write this, I know exactly what that was and I have a lot to say about it.

The Horse Should Get The Medal In Equestrian Sports by Thunder Commander The Real Human | Mar 06 2020

Hello friends, it is me, Mr. Thunder Commander. I am a real human man with yellow hair and blue eyes, but that is besides the point. I would like for us, as humans, to consider giving the horse the medal when they do a good job in equestrian sports.

Brown recently announced plans to build a new residence hall on Brook Street, demolishing the strip mall containing Bagel Gourmet, East Side Mini Mart, Piezoni’s, and a Providence Police Station. What do you think? | Mar 06 2020

It’s Really Not Even Cold Out by Your Roommate From Boston | Dec 06 2019

Guys, come on, it’s really not even cold out. I know it’s no longer summer or even fall, but trust me, this isn’t real cold. Not like what we have in Boston. Come January, I might wear a hat every now and then, but THIS! This is nothing. There are always a couple of days a year when I’m like, yeah, it’s pretty cold out, let’s stay inside or bundle up.

Aw Man, My Bad. I Don't Know What's Up With Me Today by The Guy You're Throwing A Frisbee With | Dec 06 2019

Ah, crap. Sorry, dude. That was way off. I don’t know what’s up with me today. My forehand’s usually pretty tight. This is so weird. Maybe I’ll just stick to the backhand. The old trusty backhand, she never fails me. Fuck, now even my backhand’s failing me, haha.

If I Pull An All-Nighter But No One Is Around To Hear Me Complain About It, Did It Really Happen? by CS Students | Dec 06 2019

While working late into the night to finish a CS33 project recently, I encountered a philosophical dilemma that Computer Science students are constantly grappling with: If I pull an all-nighter but no one is around to hear me complain about it, did I really pull an all-nighter at all? You might think the answer to this question is obviously yes.

If You Don't Come To This Mandatory SAO Meeting I Will Personally Shut Down Your Student Group, Ransack Your Home, And Kidnap Your Loved Ones You Entitled Goddamn Kids by Isaac Albanese | Dec 06 2019

Hi Brown Community! Remember, today is the last day to attend our MANDATORY SAO meeting. If your student group refuses to attend, I, Isaac Albanese, will personally shut down your student group, ransack your home, and kidnap your loved ones, you entitled goddamn kids.

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