Dear Cleveland,
I may have joined the Los Angeles Lakers but don’t think that makes my time in Cleveland any less special. Your support has meant the world to me and my heart will always be with you. However, the rest of my body will be cryogenically preserved to achieve immortality.
Aye, so ye want Flimgog’s coffee for free? Riddle me then, mine Shiru riddles three!
Beginning your quest to quench your dire thirst, attempt, if you’re able, mine riddle the first:
I’m an inbox that’s full
Of mail only for you
And I usually end
with brown.edu.
Alright, get this: every single time I try to carefully sneak around, some rascal somewhere just whips out his xylophone and gets right to it. Every single time. No sooner have I started diligently creeping my way down a hallway, with utmost caution and vigilance, when this pentatonic prick grabs his mallets and starts banging away.
Dear God,
First of all I want to thank you. My big, strong body is a wonderful gift. It’s been fun being so big but I am getting tired of it. Please make me smaller.
When I was playing basketball, being big was good. I liked being big because it let me dunk on people without trying too hard.
Damn it Tony you knucklehead! What the hell do you think you’re doing? You’ve ruined the gabagool!
You gotta be kidding me. The boss is gonna be so mad. His Nonna walked three miles to the Deli to get that gabagool for cousin Vinny’s birthday! Nice going you greasy-fingered jamook!
Ah geez Tony, don’t try to fix it yourself! Do you have any idea what even goes into a gabagool you schnook? Flour? What are you gonna do with flour? I’m talkin’ here! You goon, you’ve gone and got flour all over the braciole! What have you got muzzadell for brains?
This is the last time Tony.
You may know me as one of my brother Elon Musk’s biggest friends, supporters, and partners. I am immensely proud of my brother for launching hist Tesla in to orbit, but I have a problem. I’m stuck in the trunk and running out of air.
I hopped into his trunk as a joke.
It has been the honor of a lifetime to act in a film such as “Call Me By Your Name.” I’m grateful for the incredible experience I had while filming and the incredible reception we have gotten from critics and the public. And I fully believe the film deserves all the praise it’s getting.
Come on guys. It’s not that hard. I’m not going to going to pay attention to your BBA posts if you can’t get basic facts about my height, hair, location, ethnicity, clothes, and name correct.
Adoration can be difficult to express in words. I understand that, truly.
It’s me: Steve Jobs. Just as I innovated during my lifetime by inventing the the iPod, the iPhone, and Mac computers, I’m now innovating in the beyond. I live in your phone. It’s my house now!
As I passed from your world to the afterlife, I was frightened.
Like many people, I’m tired of the divisiveness that’s so prevalent in our current political climate. Since when has politics been about disagreement and conflict? I want us to go back to when the parties could roll their sleeves up and pass legislation.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
