The Brown Noser

Opinion

It’s Really Not Even Cold Out by Your Roommate From Boston | Dec 06 2019

Guys, come on, it’s really not even cold out. I know it’s no longer summer or even fall, but trust me, this isn’t real cold. Not like what we have in Boston. Come January, I might wear a hat every now and then, but THIS! This is nothing. There are always a couple of days a year when I’m like, yeah, it’s pretty cold out, let’s stay inside or bundle up.

Aw Man, My Bad. I Don't Know What's Up With Me Today by The Guy You're Throwing A Frisbee With | Dec 06 2019

Ah, crap. Sorry, dude. That was way off. I don’t know what’s up with me today. My forehand’s usually pretty tight. This is so weird. Maybe I’ll just stick to the backhand. The old trusty backhand, she never fails me. Fuck, now even my backhand’s failing me, haha.

If I Pull An All-Nighter But No One Is Around To Hear Me Complain About It, Did It Really Happen? by CS Students | Dec 06 2019

While working late into the night to finish a CS33 project recently, I encountered a philosophical dilemma that Computer Science students are constantly grappling with: If I pull an all-nighter but no one is around to hear me complain about it, did I really pull an all-nighter at all? You might think the answer to this question is obviously yes.

If You Don't Come To This Mandatory SAO Meeting I Will Personally Shut Down Your Student Group, Ransack Your Home, And Kidnap Your Loved Ones You Entitled Goddamn Kids by Isaac Albanese | Dec 06 2019

Hi Brown Community! Remember, today is the last day to attend our MANDATORY SAO meeting. If your student group refuses to attend, I, Isaac Albanese, will personally shut down your student group, ransack your home, and kidnap your loved ones, you entitled goddamn kids.

Sure, The Beach Is Nice And All, But Nothing Compares To The Feeling Of Lunar Regolith Between Your Toes by Buzz Aldrin | Dec 06 2019

Swipe Or Insert Card And Follow Instructions On PIN Pad, And Then Come Closer And Give Me A Little Kiss by The CVS Self Checkout Machine | Dec 06 2019

Welcome! Please scan your items and follow the system prompts. Then, quick, come in close and give me a little smooch. They won’t even see. If you have an ExtraCare card, please scan now. And then just lean in and kiss me. Real quick-like. A tiny peck.

As the 2020 Democratic presidential primary heats up, a recent Brown Daily Herald poll found that a quarter of undergraduates support Elizabeth Warren for President. What do you think? | Oct 25 2019

Hey Buzzy, It's Me, Your Cousin Tony by Cousin Tony | Oct 25 2019

Hey Buzzy, It’s me, your Cousin Tony! C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t remember your Cousin Tony! I remember when you used to be a little kid kicking a soccer ball around. But you’re not that little anymore, are you Buzzy? No, you’re not.

I Love Brown, I Just Wish There Was More Experimental Theater | Oct 25 2019

It’s been one of the greatest joys of my life to attend Brown University. I’ve met so many amazing people and encountered some truly awesome opportunities. Overall, my Brown experience has been nothing short of perfect, aside from one little thing: I just wish we had more experimental theater here.

If You Like The Open Curriculum So Much Why Don't You Marry It? By Dean of Admission Logan Powell | Oct 25 2019

As the Dean of Admission here at Brown University, it is my distinct pleasure each year to be able to get to know the incoming first-years through their applications. There is nothing more fascinating than being able to see how the groups of students change each year.

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