Okay. I’ve seen a few deers in my day, and I have to say that this one is definitely not a chip off the old block. Definitely, this deer that I am viewing in front of me right now has several atypical features. To put my perturbation into context, some of the most notable characteristics of your typical deer are that it has four feet, no toes, and a pretty weak chest.
Dear Reader,
In these divisive times, we here at the Brown Daily Herald understand the importance of journalistic integrity. We are outraged by the state of mainstream media, which has eagerly kowtowed to the authority of oligarchs. We are perturbed by the way special interests have eroded impartial reporting.
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Hail, almost-learned one, for I bear tidings of a great and fortuitous future that awaits thee after that blessed day of thy graduation. The locus of thy potential lies not in Boston, nor in New York, nor even in Los Angeles. No, no, calm thine uncertain mind, for I speak of a promised land far more prosperous than these.
POINT: Hey Guys Let's Go To My Dorm For Pregame
by Jake
Hey guys. Can we do my place tonight? I shoulder tapped some Twisted Tea this morning so no need to bring anything. You guys can venmo if you want but genuinely no worries. I say we all pull up to mine at nine, we get white girl wasted and play drinking games and get drunk and get sloshed.
My dearest child,
I just wanted to let you know that I love you with all of my heart and that I am so proud of everything you have accomplished and become. You are so beautiful, inside and out, and every time I look at your freckled face, I feel a wonderful warmth in my heart.
I seriously need to fight this guy in cargo pants, but who knows what he’s got in his pockets? I’ve really, really gotta get some payback on this guy, but he’s just got so many pockets, and they’re So. Damn. Big.
I need to teach him a serious lesson, but there’s just no limit to what he could have hidden in there.
My fellow brothers and all you gorgeous ladies, what’s with the hesitation? Get those Venmos in before we raise those prices. C’mon now. 300 tickets already sold!! There are very few left—only 150 total, if I had to guess. You might as well snag one at the very bargain price of $16.
Congratulations on your new baby boy! I saw that you outfitted his pliable noggin with a fun, colorful helmet. How necessary.
The design choices you made for your son are quite fascinating to me, and I’d love to chat with you just to understand how it came to this.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
