Thursday, November 21, 2024
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The Brown Noser

Politics

Kamala Harris Fine Either Way | Nov 01 2024

In a story first reported by CNBC this past week, Vice President Harris was reportedly totally fine either way. “Yes, reaching the highest office in the nation has been my dream since I was a little girl,” Harris told press, half-heartedly, mostly thinking about going home.

Report: America Forgives You, Richard Nixon | Nov 01 2024

In an exciting new report from polls across America, researchers overwhelmingly conclude that we all forgive you, Richard Nixon. “We’re not mad at you anymore! And actually we feel really bad about the way we’ve been treating you,” wrote political researcher Frankie Shean, forgiving Nixon for the Watergate scandal.

Providence Mayor Smiley Negotiates With Senator Growly To Secure Legislation On Happiness Distribution In Frown Town | Nov 01 2024

Brett Smiley has engaged in heated negotiations with Senator Arnold Growly to champion a bill aimed at fostering equitable happiness in Frown Town. “It’s about setting a standard of happiness that every citizen not only deserves but should expect from their community,” explained Mayor Smiley in a recent City Council briefing as he distributed gold star stickers to all the attendees for being such involved citizens.

Biden Reveals Secret To Long Lasting Marriage Remarrying When You're 40 | Mar 15 2024

At a recent press conference, President Biden revealed the secret to a long-lasting marriage is simply remarrying when you’re 40. “It absolutely did wonders for us. I really recommend it to anyone out there having marital issues,” said Biden, confirming that the key to making your relationship with that special someone stand the test of time is usually starting over with someone new sometime during middle age.

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