After ending his Presidential campaign in February, Andrew Yang ’96 told reporters that his whole campaign was just a massive ruse to become a Watson Fellow.
“Our campaign tried to bring the economic hardships faced by everyday Americans into the common political discourse,” said the Brown alum, already putting on a Watson baseball hat.
A new fundraising email from presidential hopeful Amy Klobuchar explains that, if every supporter gave just one dollar, Senator Klobuchar’s campaign would have fifteen more dollars to work with.
“I don’t think people understand that even the smallest contributions make a difference,” said Klobuchar’s campaign manager, Justin Buoen.
In what the intelligence agency is referring to as an “unfortunate mistake not to be repeated,” a CIA intern accidentally released the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election on Tuesday, exactly eight months before the election is scheduled.
Eagerly scanning his inbox, a hopeful Andrew Yang ‘96 checked his email once again to see if he’d received an invitation yet to deliver a guest lecture at Brown.
“Oh boy, maybe I’ll finally get one today,” the former Democratic presidential hopeful said, briefly peeking into his spam folder to see if his Gmail was filtering out important messages from the Brown Lecture Board.
A new study released by the Pew Research Center has found that if you vote once and get the “I Voted” sticker, you never really have to vote again because you already have the sticker.
“Our extensive research has concluded that when you participate in the democratic process for the first time by casting a vote, there’s really no point in voting in any future elections,” said Arnold Hartway, political scientist and lead researcher on the study.
Since he dropped out of the presidential race in early November, former Texas Congressman Beto O’Rourke has reportedly earned a B+ on his Spanish midterm.
“We are excited to announce that, after a week of dedicated studying, Congressman O’Rourke received an 89% on his Spanish 300 midterm,” read the press release.
A new Gallup poll released this morning has found that if the general election were moved to December 6, 2019, a majority of Americans would be surprised.
“A full 80% of respondents would describe themselves as ‘very confused’ if the 2020 election were moved to 2019,” said CNN analyst Sharon Marcus.
According to a recent campaign donor report, Joe Biden's presidential campaign is almost entirely financed by Crest Whitestrips.
"Joe's teeth are so white that Crest is practically bankrolling our campaign at this point," admitted Greg Schultz, Biden's campaign manager.
This past Saturday, SNL absolutely roasted a number of political figures by objectively stating what they did.
“The cold open is our chance to make the largest cultural impact with our comedy,” explained head writer James McDavis. “We figured we could really take a jab at the current administration by having celebrities straightforwardly recount the past week’s headlines.”
“In addition to having the legendary Alec Baldwin reprise his role as Trump, we are looking to get Tim Robinson here to play President Zelensky,” said McDavis.
Sources reported Tuesday that cool, smart world leaders continued to make really good decisions.
The brilliant leaders, collectively responsible for the world’s environment, governments, and economies, were seen doing really good things that are actively improving people’s lives as well as the world at large.