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Sources in Washington report that 82-year-old Joe Biden is masterminding the Trump Administration’s current agenda, all from the shadows.
“No one in the current admin has any control over the decision-making process,” said an anonymous source known only by the alias, Really Deep Throat. “The political figure you all know as ‘Donald Trump’ is a dedicated character actor who holds no actual power. It’s all Biden.”
“He’s fearsome, you see. He hides it under that old-man persona. But he’s a killer—he’s run Washington for years, even before his presidency. Everybody fears him,” continued Really Deep Throat, a prominent official in the so-called ‘Trump’ Administration who refused to give his real name due to safety concerns. “His reach is international. If I’m found out, there’s nowhere I can go.”
“You see, uhh… we got a… we got a fellow in charge here… when the… I think it’s… it feels like…” said a swaying, dead-eyed Joe Biden, pausing briefly for several minutes to collect his thoughts. "Look, I decided to stick around for a bit. Keep dancing with these cats. They know me down here… it’s a big circus. And I’m the… I’m the tent-master.”
At press time, Mr. Biden revealed he actually played no role in the Gaza ceasefire deal.
