Partly Cloudy, 64°
"Dear Brown Noser,
I was offended by your recent article on the crisis in Darfur. I believe you shouldn't take a humorous stance on such a sensitive issue, especially considering how closely Brown is connected to the issue through personal ties and humanitarian efforts. I personally found the article's take on genocide extremely inconsiderate and presumptuous. I would like the newspaper to formally apologize for its indiscretion and crudity.
- Michael S. '09
Dear Michael,
This is our first issue, you crackhead. We don't have any articles yet. How did you get our e-mail address?
- The Brown Noser
<hr>
Dear Brown Noser,
I love your paper. You guys have done such a great job. We are so proud of you.
- Your Parents
Dear Mom and Dad,
Stop, you're embarrassing me. But everything's good. I just started a paper, and I'm making friends. I met a cute girl. I think she may be the one. She also gave me a venereal disease. I'm not going to tell you which one. You can guess when I get home. But that's one more thing that she and I have in common. Send money, please.
- The Brown Noser
<hr>
Dear Brown Noser,
I find your title extremely crude and offensive.
- Michael S. '09
Dear Michael,
Who are you? Stop e-mailing us.
- The Brown Noser
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Dear Brown Noser,
Which one of you is going to clean up this pi§ata in the hall?
- Rose, Custodial Staff
Dear Rose,
That's The Brown Daily Herald's pi§ata. We know nothing about it.
- The Brown Noser
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Dear Brown Noser,
You guys are so cool.
- David Bowie
Dear David,
Thanks, David. Love ""Ziggy Stardust"" and thanks for coming to the release party.
- The Brown Noser
<hr>
Dear Brown Noser,
Mom told me about your condition. Eat some chicken noodle soup. It'll clear you right up.
- Grandma
Dear Grandma,
I'm at Brown now. Didn't Mom tell you I'm a vegetarian?
- The Brown Noser
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Dear Brown Noser,
We regret to inform you that you will not be receiving funding for your club.
- Undergraduate Council
of Students
Dear UCS,
Don't worry about it. Chris picked the small straw and now he's down a kidney. It's okay. He didn't eat too many salty foods anyway.
-The Brown Noser"
