Eyewitnesses confirm that, even though they’ve obviously both seen each other, local man Dennis Steinman still hasn’t waved to his approaching friend. “It’s not that I’m trying to ignore her, I’m just waiting for her to come into the ideal range,” explained Steinman, adding that although he intended to verbally acknowledge his friend, he didn’t want to begin anything longer than a two second interaction. “I want this social contact to be quick and painless, so timing is crucial. If I say something too soon, she’ll think I actually want to have some sort of conversation. But if I pretend to be looking at my phone until she’s five meters away, I figure I can get away with a quick ‘hello’ as we walk past each other.” At press time, Steinman looked up only to discover that his friend, who was pretending to ignore him, had already walked by.

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