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President Barack Obama is struggling to discern whether or not an upcoming dinner with Russian President Vladimir Putin is a date.
“His rep got in touch with mine and wrote, ’Let’s work out the details of your president’s visit next week,’” Obama said. “That was very vague. I asked him what Putin was thinking would be fun for us to do, and a good three days later the guy writes back, ‘You are formally invited to join President Putin for dinner on Tuesday evening.’”
Sources report that an Obama aide waited the requisite three hours before responding with a ubiquitous, “Sounds good! Let me know where works for you,” to give the European superpower’s leader the chance to clarify his intentions through choice of venue. Obama’s confusion only increased after Putin’s secretary sent back directions to the Kremlin.
“We’re eating at his house? Is he cooking for me?” asked the commander-in-chief. “Does he want us to cook together?”
“Because that could be cute,” added the president.
The unspecific nature of the meal reportedly made the president question his attire for the evening, with a source close to the White House confirming that Obama spent two hours switching back and forth between his red and blue ties in front of the mirror before choosing the blue one.
“Date, casual catch-up—it’s totally fine either way,” sighed Obama. “I would just feel so silly showing up there with this set of expectations, and then having it turn out to be something else.”
“I just wish I could know for sure,” he said.
The president has analyzed the thread of interactions thoroughly for hints at Putin’s motives, but to no avail.
“All of his emails have perfect capitalization and spelling, which either means he’s trying to impress me, or wants to be impersonal and formal,” said Obama. “It’s just too hard to tell.”
“I finally just wrote, ’Can’t wait! :)’ at the end of my last email to see if he’d reciprocate, but no response yet,” he added.
As of press time, the president could not figure out if Secretary of State John Kerry had meant last week that he like-liked a Turkish ambassador, or just liked him.
