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The Brown Noser

Potluck Host Discovers Most of Guests Severely Allergic to Poison

Published Friday, March 9th, 2012

Leah Johnson ’12, Francesca Jun ’13 and Dana Sanchez ’12 were simultaneously transported to Rhode Island Hospital last night after attending a dinner party where their host, Janet Green ’12, forgot to ask all three of her guests if they were severely allergic to poison.

Hilary Rosenthal

“I honestly didn’t even think to ask,” stated Green in the hospital waiting room. “So many things have poison in them – you’d think if someone were severely allergic they’d have let me know beforehand.”

Allergic reactions to poison are fairly common in both children and adults, and are said to affect up to 100 percent of the population. In those with allergies, effects of ingesting poison could range anywhere from near death to instant death.

“I’ve seen them around poison before, so I guess I always assumed they weren’t allergic,” stated Green, now staring at the ground. “We’d all smoked cigarettes, swam in Mexico and bought sushi out of the back of a truck together, and none of them ever got even a little bit sick. I guess their doctor just never tested them for all types of poison allergies.”

According to Green, the dinner started off normally – none of her guests mentioned their deathly allergies when given the opportunity to smell the pungent meal containing the odorless poison. However, after Johnson, Jun and Sanchez took a taste of her signature dish, all three became unable to breathe, and not because of the amazing taste as originally thought.

“What did you put in there?” Jun allegedly asked, panicking while falling to the ground and gripping her throat.

“Pasta, fresh tomatoes, chili powder, parmesan cheese, basil, garlic, a dash of salt and a whole lot of love,” Green responded, pointing to the ingredients lining her kitchen counter. “Oh, also poison! Is that a problem?”

“I just never thought such a small, insignificant ingredient like poison could cause so many people so much harm,” Green said introspectively, gripping the vile labeled with a skull in her hands. “It’s just such a random thing to be allergic to. What are you going to tell me next? That people are allergic to stray bullets, stab wounds and cancer?”

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