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A new report from the Center of Populations Studies predicts that the world population might very well reach 9 billion people by 2050 if Jim and Susan Duggly, recently married residents of Wellesley, Massachusetts, keep at it.
“They already have four children, and they only got married in 2012,” said the Dugglys’ neighbor, Arthur Dean, lead researcher behind the report. “Populations grow exponentially. According to our findings, if they keep going at it this hard, Jim and Susan could have six, even up to eight kids over the next five years. Imagine where we could be in 30.”
Dean was reluctant to describe the consequences the planet will face with human population at that level. “Don’t be fooled by Jim and Susan’s adorable kids. Sure they’re nice and they make cute sounds and all that, but imagine even a few more of them running around my lawn—indeed, all our lawns—by next year, and you start to see the severity of the situation. Not to mention, I heard they’re looking at the same private kindergarten we are, and God knows how selective Wellesley Day is.”
Dean is preparing to present the report at the G20 summit in Barcelona next month. “World leaders must fully understand the path Jim and Susan are putting us on. I fear the only thing we can do now is simply slow them down."
