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RFK Jr. announced at a recent press conference that he was once trapped for seven years in the grime dimension, eating trash at the court of Mucor, the mold king.
“I was scrounging around the dump like normal, when a vortex of dirt and grime started twisting and pulling on me. Next thing I knew, I was all alone, with nothing but the loincloth on my back, stuck in a dimension of slime and grime,” rasped Kennedy, eyes frantic and arms waving as he retold the story of his disappearance. “I was lucky enough that Lord Mucor, the King of Mold, took me under his rotten wing and brought me to his court, where we dined for the next seven years on the finest trash I have ever sunk my teeth into.”
“The mold kingdom was a utopia of decay, and the kindness of their king was unmatched,” continued Kennedy, whose wild eyes betrayed a longing for the mildewy recesses of his former home. “Lord Mucor gave me a beautiful room in between the hall of worms and the hall of eggs, a wet grotto where I could live out my days in utmost luxury. The warmth of the rotten meat and soil now survives only as a warmth in my heart.”
At press time, Kennedy was reportedly seen bringing soil and carcasses to a conference room relabeled “the spore chamber.”
