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In an email to the Brown community last week, Vice President for Residential Life Brenda Ice announced changes to the religious housing accommodations application, which will now require students to indicate whether they condemn Hamas.
“Our religious accommodations program has always been about promoting inclusion and supporting those of all backgrounds,” explained Ice, taking a break from sending threatening emails to students who have yet to fill out their pre-departure form. “But the unfortunate reality is that too many people have been applying for religious accommodations for reasons incongruent with the spirit of their respective faiths. There is a right way to be religious in this country, and we are going to hold students to the appropriate standards.”
“It would be deeply disappointing if these spaces of religious tolerance were to make Jewish students feel unwelcome,” Ice continued, readjusting the ball cap she wore featuring her surname in all capital letters. “By requiring all students who apply for religious housing to indicate their condemnation of Hamas, we can protect those students from potentially uncomfortable conversations.”
“It was quite a shocking email to receive,” explained Derick Green, an unrepentant atheist who lives in a large single with a kitchen after applying for religious accommodations under false pretenses. “But given that an ambivalence toward my actual beliefs is what got me this incredible place, I’ll check any box they give me.”
At press time, Brown was considering a new policy that would require students in environmental housing to pledge allegiance to Mother Earth.
