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Sources report that local welder Diane Willis always dreamed of having a big metal face with one rectangular eye.
“When I was a kid, I used to go to the junkyard and hold up pieces of metal in front of my face just to see what it would feel like for my face to be made of metal and my eyes to be made of rectangle,” said Willis, clearly overjoyed to have found a profession where that odd physical characteristic was not just commonplace but mandatory. “Every time I put on that mask, a part of me says, ‘Yes, you were meant to have a slab of featureless steel for a face and a long, straight-edged strip of fiberglass instead of eyes.’ And I just think that’s pretty beautiful.”
At press time, a local snorkeler always wanted a super long tube-shaped mouth.
