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In a move sure to send shock waves throughout Brown's social scene, Fish Company manager Shane Boxerhausen announced publicly last week that, despite its long-standing policy to the contrary, the popular bar and grill will no longer accept fake IDs or baseball cards as proper identification.
"It's a logistical thing, really," Boxerhausen said. "When police arrive on the scene and Wade Boggs has seven different tabs open, you're going to run into some problems."
According to long-time bouncers Biff Reinhold and Terry Smithson, attendance at the Company this past Wednesday night was noticeably lower than usual. "We usually have a very large, very distinctive presence here on Wednesdays," Reinhold, 24, said. "Now, though, it's just a completely different scene. How am I supposed to get a date for this year's prom?"
"To be perfectly honest, I'm worried that Fish Co. will never be the same," added Smithson, 26. "Our slogan used to be 'We put the rage back into underage!' Who knows what it will be now?"
Despite widespread complaints among many Fish Co. employees, bartender Alice Cooperton repeatedly expressed her relief over the new development.
"It's how they all used to order that got to me," she said. "Nobody just orders screwdrivers or Miller Lites. They ask for 'that shit the dude drinks in 'The Big Lebowski' or say, 'Yo, what was that guy chugging in Animal House?' Plus they're all yelling 'College!' at the time. It's almost impossible to hear."
Boxerhausen told the Noser that Fish Co. will further restrict what constitutes proper identification in the coming months. "Things like senior photos, library cards, movie tickets, condom wrappers-they just won't cut it anymore. We're going to be running a much tighter ship around here, and this is how it starts. Don't be surprised if Post-It notes saying 'IOU 1 ID' don't work anymore either."
"I'll miss the old days," said Smithson. "Part of the experience was getting through the front door. It was a place to express yourself. Revealing your identity shouldn't be limited to pulling a three-by-two card out of your wallet. Being 21, if you really think about it, is a pretty subjective thing, so who are we to judge?"
