Partly Cloudy, 64°
Dear Brown Noser,
Who is the very attractive male in the "Student Takes Awkward Collar Pull Too Far" article, and how can I take him too far?
-Meredith Senter
Dear Meredith,
That very dashing young man who stole all of our hearts with his embarrassing, yet adorable, move is Raj Vaghjiani. You can contact him at 1-800-RAJTIME.
-The Brown Noser
Dear Brown Noser,
Why has joining your staff failed to attract any girls on campus whatsoever?
-Ross Stackhouse
Dear Ross,
You know, Ross, we've been tirelessly trying to figure that ourselves. Our only advice is to be optimistic. And human pheromones work well.
-The Brown Noser
Dear Brown Noser,
In 1654, when the first Sephardic Jews landed in New Amsterdam, they carried with them a famous menorah, which they called the Menorah of Transylvania. This menorah was handed down from generation to generation until the night's templar stole it from them in 1912. It is said in legend that Christopher Columbus stole the menorah and shipped it to Genghis Kahn via FedEx, but since that day it has disappeared. That treasure is hidden within this temple. First you must go through the Shrine of the Silver Monkey through the Room of the Kings, down through the Tree Chamber, through the Brothel, and into the Turkish Baths, where you will find the menorah. But watch out for Temple Guards. And syphilis. Especially in the Brothel. The choice is yours and yours alone. Now, who's going first?
-OMAC
Dear OMAC,
No one. We're still paying child support from the last time we entered the Brothel.
-The Brown Noser
Dear Brown Noser,
Well, huh… the layout is pretty shit. Lots of typos… and the writing is… kind of canned at best. Who would've thought you'd have your noses so far up your own asses?
-Daniel Perez,
The Brown Daily Herald
Dear Daniel,
While we had our noses up our own asses, we found the BDH! (fist pump) Brown Noser 1, Daniel Perez 0!
-The Brown Noser
