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My name is Rusty Fendor, and I am an idea man. An inventor. An entrepreneur. A visionary.
After receiving my PhD from Phoenix Online University in 1975, I made it a goal of mine to solve man's problems. I envisioned a world where life could be made easier because of the wonders of technology.
The clapper, Velcro, the Internet, American Idol: all me. Shoes, tuna, music and literature, just notches on Rusty Fendor's belt. They have called me an extravagant, a fraud, a phony, but they are all wrong, and I will show them. The following is an excerpt from my new book 203 Ways to Become Rusty Fendor Cool, and explores the fast-developing field of teleportation:
#127 Teleportation Could Be Better than Most Forms of Travel
For years man has thought about teleportation. We have even seen it in action. Nightcrawler uses teleportation to move from place to place, as does the crew of the Enterprise. It is a part of their day-to-day lives and I would like to make it a part of yours.
The demand is there. People want teleportation. In a major middle school double-blind study, 100 randomly selected people ages 19-43 at a ComiCon convention were polled, and an overwhelming 99 participants of the survey stated that they would be interested to hear more. 99 people said that given the opportunity they would use teleportation. They said that they would prefer teleportation to their current mode of travel and that they would love it even more if the technology cost just under a dollar. And it will cost the same price as just one song on iTunes once I implement my patented advertising system! Other than the one nonconformist who was a hobo claiming to have already been teleported to earth from the Zenon Nebula, it is obvious that people want it. All that is left is to give it to them.
Of course as with any business plan, there have been those along the way like John C. Mather, the 2006 Nobel Laureate in Physics, Stephen Hawking, and a few other scientists from CERN, who said that "the technology does not exist, and you're stupid." But being the creative thinker that I am, I looked them straight in the eyes and told them that "Rusty Fendor does not worry about physics; physics worries about Rusty Fendor." My beloved uncle Dick Fendor once said that "if you have a dream, Rusty, you must be willing to lie to yourself and others to make it happen."
So in 1998 I teamed up with good friend, Jeff Skilling, former CEO of Enron Corporation, who agreed to provide the financial backing. And together, we had created the entire business plan: frequent- flyer programs, radio jingles, set beach destinations, the necessary disclaimers. Everything. Everything that is, but the "science background" the "experts" at "NASA" felt was "necessary" for this to "work." But Rusty Fendor doesn't back down from anything, and this, my friends, is where you come in.
I urge you to consider investing in my company, Beam Me Up Rusty Inc. With my vision, we stand to make millions once this "idea is not plausible" problem is solved. Just think about it: technology, equipment, and financial backing aside, what would you rather do-teleport yourself, or use the commuter rail? Don't be that hobo.
