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In light of imminent budget cuts and the retirement of the space shuttle in 2010, yesterday NASA launched a public relations mission to change the face of America's ailing space agency. NASA Chief Administrator Mike Griffin, sporting a new pocket protector, announced the new "Space is Sensual" Campaign at Kennedy Space Center in the redesigned Cape Canavirile.
The campaign is aimed at capturing the attention of an otherwise apathetic public, whose support for NASA has waned significantly since the Apollo program. "We also hope to excite the, erm, imagination of certain demographics that haven't been tapped yet," explained Griffin before unveiling the highlight of the campaign: the newly renamed Hubble Hubble telescope.
The Hubble Telescope, as it was formerly known, has probed the depths of deep space since April 24, 1990. When pressed about the considerable age of this sexy telescope, Griffin sheepishly admitted that "she might be something of a cougar."
Despite her considerable age, the telescope remains on a trajectory to capture more desirable images of unknown parts of the galaxy. "She goes places no other telescope will go," remarked breathless NASA scientist Dr. Quinn Ross.
When Griffin announced to the crowd assembled at Cape Canavirile that the Hubble Hubble was scheduled for a televised "servicing mission" with another probe, one could hear thousands of calculator-watch alarms being set in perfect synchronicity. "I might even clean my glasses for that," commented Dr. John Carmichael.
"I'm not going to say that she's out of this world because she was already out of the exosphere within 3.7 seconds of takeoff. But I will say I wouldn't mind being the rocket that got to give her that thrust at launch," joked an evidently aroused Griffin to peals of surprisingly high-pitched laughter.
A source who only provided the alias Deep Space told Bob Woodward of the Washington Post that there are also plans to "get rid of those hideous orange numbers in favor of more comfortable and more functional purple velvet track suits" for the astronauts. Further details have yet to be revealed. Huntsville, Alabama, home to the Marshall Space Flight Center, is rumored to be the birthplace of the name Hubble Hubble.
According to occasional tour-guide and really-it's-only-when-pappy-wants the-blue-pill methamphetamine dealer Bobby Joe Bobby: "Them guys from NASA was sippin' some moonshine when they saw the knockers of Mary Jean Bustee and one o' them, in his sloppy state, said 'hubble hubble!' The next day they was holdin' secret meetin's." Regardless of its inauspicious start, NASA administrators have high hopes for the future of the Hubble Hubble.
As a thoroughly optimistic Griffin pointed out, "What do the Russians have to match this sexiness? Yuri Gagarin? Abrek the space monkey?"
