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"It's starting to get annoying, actually," said Sampson McGill '10, Gibbs's roommate. "I mean, it was a good movie and all, but that milkshake line is really starting to get old now, you know? There was the Saturday Night Live skit and everything, and-I'm sorry, but I just don't appreciate it when we're sitting at Johnny Rockets and suddenly Timmy's got his straw halfway into my cup sucking his straw like it's his momma's teat. 'I drink your milkshake!' he goes. 'I drink it up!' Yeah, well, I fucked your girlfriend, buddy. You don't hear me talking about it every time we're going to bowl a few rounds on Thursday night."
Residents of Harkness House have been hard-pressed recently to ignore the incessant rants of Timmy Gibbs '10, a resident of the dorm and an avid fan of Paul Thomas Anderson's film "There Will Be Blood." The sophomore, who purchased the DVD of the film a week ago at a nearby Newbury Comics, insists that the movie he won't stop quoting is a "modern masterpiece."
"If you don't like this movie," said Gibbs, "you don't know anything about movies at all. Fuckin' n00bz."
Sources indicate that the student's love for the film dates all the way back to the middle of last year, citing his contributions to Rotten Tomatoes's discussion boards-including an incriminating post in a pre-Oscar thread reading "PTA and DDL FTW!!!"-as evidence of a possibly medical obsession that may require treatment. "What we're looking at here is a potentially lethal combination of mild OCD and 'Teh Fanboyism,'" said Dr. Thelonius McKenzie, director of Brown's Student Health Center.
"Unless Mr. Anderson or some other rising auteur-perhaps the Coen brothers-releases another film, we could be looking at a tragedy waiting to happen."
"I just don't know what to do anymore," said Starla Marx '10, Gibbs's former girlfriend. "I broke up with him a few months ago because he wouldn't stop calling me 'friendo,' but now every time I see him around he's just hunched over in the corner of the ratty, talking about some 'competition' he has in him, about how he wants 'no one to succeed.' I told his ass he should've gone to Harvard, and we haven't talked since."
Although Brown Health Services has been notified of the student's potentially damaging love for the film, no action has yet been taken. "We're just hoping he'll pull through," Dr. McKenzie admitted. "A lot of my colleagues are encouraging me to do something, and to be frank, the case is really starting to get to me. There's a lot riding on the way I handle the issue, and if I'm wrong on this-if I hear about some tragedy next week at Candlepin Lanes-well, I'm finished."
