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"He tackled me to the ground, got me in a headlock, cut off my ear, tied me to my table, then started talking into the ear," Poppems said. "I just remember him saying, 'Can you hear me? Ha, I didn't think tho,' in this distinct lisp. Then he dropped it on the ground again, took all my bags of popcorn, and ran. They didn't find me 'til much later, when ol' One-Legged Jim came by and called the police."
The hustle and bustle of Thayer Street was disrupted last night when an unknown suspect assaulted Bernie Poppems, the much-loved Kettle Corn Man at his usual post in front of the Brown Bookstore. The suspect demanded all of Poppems' products and, when Poppems resisted, wrestled the vendor to the ground and cut off his ear.
Poppems described the suspect as a 5'11", 230-pound male with a high-pitched, lisping voice.
Poppems is recovering from his surgery at the Rhode Island Hospital, where doctors were able to reattach the ear for aesthetic purposes only. When Poppems was asked about his reaction to the surgery and the loose culprit, he had this to say:
"What? You'll have to speak up. Oh, I'm glad the surgery went well, but I wish I could actually hear in my right ear again! If I ever catch the man who took it in the first place, why, I'll give him an earful!"
Providence Police are warning citizens to be wary of Thayer Street and the surrounding area after dark, and to keep close watch on ears and other appendages. Earmuffs, hats, and duct tape, among other restrictive means of protection, have been recommended by the Providence Chief of Police Dean Esserman. Until the suspect is caught, Thayer is on alert, waiting for the moment when their body parts are safe
and their popcorn secure.
