Partly Cloudy, 64°
Racks of smartly pressed clothing and tables displaying decorations for the home fill the floors of a custom-built space that is remarkably spotless. "Volvo Driving Soccer-Mom," an underrated gem from Everclear's catalogue, plays over the loudspeakers. The faint aroma of incense wafts gently through the air. This is Suburban Outfitters, the newest retail store to enter the notoriously cutthroat College Hill clothing market, and it is struggling to stay afloat.
"We feel like it's a place people like to come to because it reminds them of home. Especially the student population here on College Hill - they have to get tired of being so hip all the time," explains manager Gary Holdenfelt.
Outside the freshly Windex-ed windows, students walk past without giving the Mom Jeans display so much as a sideways glance. Sporting a pair of necessary, lens-less glasses, Wanda Trilby '11 explains that "I came here to escape the, like, inexorable drudge of the suburbs, you know? No way am I going back-I've seen the light of the city."
Standing underneath a stunning watercolor of a Chrysler Town & Country, employee Janice Richards offers a different view. "While the hips don't lie, the hipsters sure do. They actually don't enjoy shopping at their obscure boutiques and that store that ripped us off-Urban Outfitters. We just have to tap their subconscious urge for comfort, ease, and convenience, and we'll be all set."
A buxom mannequin sporting a tastefully knit Thanksgiving sweater attempts to attract shoppers with a welcoming wave but to no avail. "It's like a movie I once saw-something about the circle of life. No matter how hard some of these kids fight it, a lot of 'em will go back to suburbs just like they came from. College is all about preparing yourself for the next stage; why not also start acquiring your clothing for that stage?" offered Holdenfelt.
Chris LeFlenty '10 has shopped at other Suburban Outfitters locations for "some time now," and he is "really stoked about this new location. Where else can I get T-shirts silk screened with the Tupperware logo on it?" He proceeded to show off the Suburban Outfitters Frequent Shopper card on his keychain. "It's like the ones for a grocery store or something, but here I get free car window decals when I spend enough. Good shit."
When questioned about the competition from Urban Outfitters, Holdenfelt had a ready response. "We'll never quit, and we do have some strategies. Something to the effect of if you can't beat 'em, buy 'em." Behind him on a table stacked with books lay copies of works presumably influential in the business philosophy of Suburban Outfitters: "How to Destroy Your Child's Competition in the Lemonade Stand Business," "Zen and the Art of Lawn Maintenance," and "Seven Habits of the Highly Effective Housewife."
While the economy struggles to rebound as consumers remain reluctant, Holdenfelt is staying optimistic about bringing in customers. "We just came up with the idea of having Garage Sales and maybe even introducing a new line perfect for both your country club and your Costco."
