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The Brown Noser

Opinion (Apr 22 2022 issue)

‘Tis I! But It Cannot Be I, For I Am Here And He Is There! Ah, The Great Puzzle! by Dog Looking At Himself In Mirror | Apr 22 2022

Ah, ‘tis I! But wait— it cannot be I, for I am here and he is there! Ah, the great puzzle! What craven sorcery lies herein? Yon figure looks all too similar to my own person, but he is thither and I am hither. There is space between us, and yet he and I make not dissimilar forms and positions— a duality, as it were.

Can I Get An Extension On The Essay? I’m Lost At Sea On A Bamboo Raft | Apr 22 2022

Hi Professor! I hope you’ve had a great weekend! I’m wondering if it might be possible for me to receive an extension on the final paper. I feel my present circumstances might make it hard for me to turn in quality work since I’m currently somewhere in the South Pacific, drifting helplessly on a makeshift bamboo raft.

It Was Insane Bro, We Went Down Gano Street And Then Up Gano Street by Providence Biker Gang | Apr 22 2022

Bro, it was so insane. You might want to sit down for this. We got on our bikes, left our helmets at the door, and then drove down Gano Street and then right back up Gano Street. Can you believe that? It was fucking primal dude. The rush of the wind, the rev of the engines, the honking of the cars – it was a symphony, and we were the fucking composers.

Well, I've Always Been Interested in Coyote Husbandry by Student Desperate for Summer Internship | Apr 22 2022

Good morning! Thank you so much for taking the time to interview me for this position. I’ve been following this company for a long time and getting the opportunity to intern for you would be a dream. How long have I been interested in coyote husbandry? Well, as long as I can remember.

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