The Brown Noser

Politics (Mar 06 2020 issue)

Yang Presidential Campaign Just Massive Ruse To Become Watson Fellow | Mar 06 2020

After ending his Presidential campaign in February, Andrew Yang ’96 told reporters that his whole campaign was just a massive ruse to become a Watson Fellow. “Our campaign tried to bring the economic hardships faced by everyday Americans into the common political discourse,” said the Brown alum, already putting on a Watson baseball hat.

Amy Klobuchar Fundraising Email Explains That If Every Supporter Gave Just One Dollar, Amy Would Have Fifteen More Dollars | Mar 06 2020

A new fundraising email from presidential hopeful Amy Klobuchar explains that, if every supporter gave just one dollar, Senator Klobuchar’s campaign would have fifteen more dollars to work with. “I don’t think people understand that even the smallest contributions make a difference,” said Klobuchar’s campaign manager, Justin Buoen.

CIA Intern Accidentally Releases Results Of Election Eight Months Early | Mar 06 2020

In what the intelligence agency is referring to as an “unfortunate mistake not to be repeated,” a CIA intern accidentally released the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election on Tuesday, exactly eight months before the election is scheduled.

Hopeful Andrew Yang Repeatedly Checking Email For Brown Guest Lecture Invitation | Mar 06 2020

Eagerly scanning his inbox, a hopeful Andrew Yang ‘96 checked his email once again to see if he’d received an invitation yet to deliver a guest lecture at Brown. “Oh boy, maybe I’ll finally get one today,” the former Democratic presidential hopeful said, briefly peeking into his spam folder to see if his Gmail was filtering out important messages from the Brown Lecture Board.

New Study Finds If You Vote Once And Get the “I Voted” Sticker, You Never Really Have To Vote Again Because You Already Have The Sticker | Mar 06 2020

A new study released by the Pew Research Center has found that if you vote once and get the “I Voted” sticker, you never really have to vote again because you already have the sticker. “Our extensive research has concluded that when you participate in the democratic process for the first time by casting a vote, there’s really no point in voting in any future elections,” said Arnold Hartway, political scientist and lead researcher on the study.

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