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The Brown Noser

2nd Oldest Person Eagerly Awaiting Death of Oldest

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Shortly after becoming the second oldest human alive, 113 year-old Rose McCarthy told reporters that she is now eagerly waiting for 117 year-old Jack Binoche to die.

“I just hope he dies soon,” McCarthy said with a chuckle of the only surviving human to have lived in the 19th century. “I would be delighted to be the oldest person alive, and it will really be such a pleasure if his life ends first.”

Mrs. McCarthy’s family and caretakers at Care First Nursing Home told reporters that she has found new purpose in her goal of outliving Mr. Kearns. “She’s been very excited about the prospect since she got in the top five,” Madeleine Richards, McCarthy’s granddaughter, explained. “It would really make her and all of us grandchildren very happy if that older man died in his sleep or choked on something. She really deserves it.”

Sharing her positive outlook on her chances, her doctor told reporters that as long as she doesn’t fall, miss her medications, or cough too hard, she should be able to outlive Kearns.

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