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The Brown Noser

Brown Goes Greener by Replacing Toilet Paper with Hand Dryers

Published Friday, November 4th, 2016

In what is already being called one of Brown University’s boldest green initiatives yet, sources reveal that the toilet paper rolls in all major bathroom stalls will soon be replaced by Dyson hand dryers.

“We all knew that this would take a lot of work to get underway but we just realized that Brown must set the precedent as an eco-friendly campus,” stated Head of Utility Services Mike Lazaro. “This will truly be a big step forward in helping the environment. The initiative, which is scheduled to begin this Spring, will reduce Brown’s paper consumption and save around 300 trees per year.”

Although the project is expected to be more expensive than previous clean-energy initiatives, Lazaro assured sources that the project was a necessity.

“When the committee met last spring, we talked about how to make Brown’s commitment to clean energy more permanent," he said. "Rather than just educating the public, we wanted to implement a project that practically forced the community to adopt greener habits.”

“This campus is moving towards the future. And that’s hand dryers,” he concluded.

“I’ve been on board with most of the green initiatives here but I’m just not sure about this one,” commented Susan Meyers ’18, expressing the concerns of the many students who remain skeptical. “I mean, in the stalls? Sure, the Dyson Airblade specs are impressive but I think this is where I have to draw the line."

At press time, Lazaro was explaining how the initiative would serve as the perfect example of how simple, painless lifestyle changes can save the environment.

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