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The Brown Noser

Marty Granoff Bummed Those Narcs Ratted On His Sweet Kickback

Published Friday, December 7th, 2018

After reading the Providence Journal article about his exclusive, extravagant dinner parties, Brown University donor and trustee Marty Granoff reported that those narcs shouldn’t have ratted on the cool little kickback he threw for his friends.

“Those fucking snitches,” Granoff complained, crumpling up his copy of the ProJo and angrily smashing a bottle of champagne on the ground. “We were just hanging out, kicking back, and enjoying a three course meal of duxelles, duck breast, and swordfish. What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t get why they had to rat on me like that,” he continued, slamming the door to his private study and slumping in his upholstered armchair. “They’re just jealous that they can’t throw a kickback like I can. But now, because of them, everyone is missing out. The University’s top 1% isn’t going to be able to hang with each other and chill anymore. Like is that what you wanted? Not cool, bros.”

“Whatever, I’m only going to throw parties at Tufts from now on. Your loss, narcs.”

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