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The Brown Noser

195 Pound Adult No Match For Microscopic Pollen Particles

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

After witnessing junior Gregory Bauer begin sneezing uncontrollably on the Main Green, sources reveal that even a 195 pound adult human like Bauer is absolutely no match for the minuscule pollen particles gently gliding through the air.

“As we were chatting on the Green," reported classmate John Collins. "I noticed Greg start to sniffle and itch his nose. Within minutes those microbes had the athletic dude writhing on the ground like some sort of one-legged ant. He goes to the Nelson everyday but he’s still no match for the pollen.”

Passers-by report that the well-muscled human, an Economics concentrator and linebacker on Brown’s varsity football team, hastily fled the teeny specks of plant powder and stumbled toward Faunce House.

“Greg gurgled something about Claritin and then scampered off,” Collins recalled. “Wow, that pollen really did a number on him."

At press time, the little bits of flower dust had forced the towering hominid to flee to shelter in Barbour Hall.

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