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The Brown Noser

.5ers Giving Us Little Kiss On Forehead Before They Steal Away Into The Night

Published Friday, December 3rd, 2021

Sources report that just before the class of ’21.5 slips away into the night, they’re giving us a little kiss on the forehead.

“I had finished packing up my room, but then I realized I’d forgotten something very, very important,” stated .5er Maurice Randall as he swung a dark, hooded cloak over his shoulders and ever so quietly shut the door behind him. “I’d forgotten to enter my friends’ rooms, under cover of nightfall, and give them each a little parting kiss on the forehead.”

While a few .5ers were able to pack their bags with all their earthly possessions and immediately hit the road, the vast majority of graduating seniors found themselves paused in the doorway, knowing what they had to do next.

“I knew that if I didn’t go back to give my friends a secret, tender embrace, I’d regret it forever,” explained Randall as he heaved a trunk of his belongings into a horse-drawn carriage, and looked back, one last time, at his off-campus apartment. “I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye. It’s for the best, though. There mustn’t be any tears spilled at my expense. Still, they’ll never know just how much I’ll miss them.”

At press time, members of the class of ‘21 were writing long, Civil War-style letters to the loved ones they had left behind on campus.

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