Sunday, April 28, 2024
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

85 Percent Of Moms Think About How Prickly and Fun George Clooney’s Beard Must Feel

Published Friday, March 7th, 2014

A study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins University has found that 85 percent of moms think about how George Clooney’s beard would feel against their cheek. According to the team’s findings, even the most happily married mothers take regular pauses in their days to ponder the 52-year-old actor’s signature stubble.

“It would seem that an overwhelming majority of moms have Clooney’s beard on their minds,” said researcher Dr. Gabe Sturian. “Out of that majority, 28 percent said they imagined the beard to feel ‘fun,’ 33 percent said ‘a little tickly,’ and 24 percent said ‘prickly, but in the best way.’”

“All respondents said they would have to kiss the ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ star to know for sure,” added Sturian.

“It’s all beard speculation until you feel the real deal yourself,” said Deborah Keys, a 46-year-old mother of three and participant in the study. “Preferably, that moment occurs under the moonlight on the patio of his Lake Como villa. Weather conditions mild, with maybe a slight drizzle."

“The beard would be damp,” Keys continued. "Damp, yet robust.”

Dr. Sturian noted that as much as 7 percent of moms actually admitted to brushing their faces against Clooney substitutes such as their husbands at the end of three-day weekends or sandpaper.

“If I close my eyes and feel Gary’s beard after a few days of him not shaving, I can sometimes convince myself that what I’m petting is Clooney scruff,” said Keys. “When that doesn’t work, this 9-by-11 sheet of 80 grit I picked up at Home Depot usually does the trick.”

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…